What Limits Our Choices?

                       

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Hello Friend,

Today I want to bring awareness to limitations. Many people think their life is awful because they have no opportunity. That concept is far from true. The truth is we have opportunities everyday. But we choose not to see or take them when they are offered to us.

See, many things limits your choices to a greater or lesser degree; your feelings, other people’s judgments, other people’s power, family commitments, lack of money, and restricted time are just a few.

Hating ourselves and feeling disconnected from life and limited by what we feel is a lack of choice; a time in our lives when we feel stuck and unable to change our circumstances, are all patterns of limited thinking. When we feel this way we are driven by fear. We let fear paralyze us and alter our thinking patterns.

I learned a long time ago from the book written by David J. Schwartz “The Magic of Thinking Big” that dreams. They are what life is made of. They give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning and a reason to go to bed early at night, so you can wake up and start all over again. Dreams are also a choice. We can have them or we can continue with our same old patterns.

However, like anything worth having, dreaming takes work which often requires that you walk through something you’re afraid of. It also encourages you to step out of your comfort zone and go for what you really want.

We learned last month that we are what we believe. We create our reality based on what we think. However, the barrier that comes along to test us depends on the choices we make. You’ll encounter many obstacles along the road to living your dreams. Some obstacles may be real, some imagined, some may be tangible, and some may be intangible. Some of these obstacles will be created by others, and some will be self-imposed. However, they manifest, you will always be given the choice as to whether you give them power.

Despite the choices you make if you are driven by fear you will fail (AKA make a mistake) or resist to take action. The truth is it’s your fear that keeps you stuck in a job you hate. In a dysfunctional relationship or marriage. Or, your hands around the candy dish. The key to managing fear is to acknowledge it and walk through it. It’s the only way! There are no victims in this world only people who refuse to make choices and take responsibility for their lives.

Here are a few examples of how we limit our choices and hinder our decisions making process. Once you are aware try to eliminate these negative patterns and move forward into the choices that are right for you.

1. Addiction limits your choices. Whether it’s a person, a drug, a form of exercise, alcohol, or other habits, your addiction makes decisions for you.

When you’re addicted to anything, it’s the addition that’s in control, not you.

For example, suppose you are hooked on cigarettes or alcohol isn’t it your need for a smoke and drink that controls whose house you visit or when you take breaks at work. You wait until a certain time so you can go outside to get quick puff. You refuse to visit your sister house because she doesn’t allow any drinking or smoking.

Sometimes our addition of other people gets in the way of our choices. Other people may fear something so you decide not to do it either even though you thought it might be fun to try. Or, if you are obsessed with a person, how many times will you call him or her, trying to find out where the person is, as opposed to doing something that really needs your attention.

2. Fear is a major choice limiter. Although fear takes on many disguises we still let fear act as our choice definer. Fear of risk, fear of pain, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of making a mistake, fear of being held accountable, fear of feeling inadequate, and fear of believing you really can’t do what you say you can do are many of the fears that surface.

Fear compels you to make choices that are designed to keep you out of harm’s way. And while these may be the easy choices they are not necessarily the right ones.

I once read a story from author Francine Ward her book Esteemable Acts brings a good point to how humans react to fear.

A spy was captured across enemy lines in a foreign land. The spy faced the captain, who was about to sentence him.

“In our country spying is punishable by death,” said the captain,

“I know,” said the spy.

The captain said, “I’ll give you two choices: You can die at the hands of the firing squad at dawn tomorrow or you can walk through that door.”

The captain pointed to a huge, ugly steel door with old rusty nails and bolts and grotesque carvings imbedded into it. Taking one look at the door, the spy gasped!” Can you give me until morning to decide? This is a hard choice to make.” The captain agreed and sent the spy back to his cell until dawn.

At daybreak, the spy was returned and the captain asked, “Have you made

your decision?”

The spy facing the captain said, “Yes, I have. Shoot me, because at least I know what I’m dealing with “The firing squad shot the spy.

Moments later a medical volunteer who had observed the incident asked the captain. “What was behind the door? What could have been worse than death?”

The captain responded, “Behind the door was freedom.”

Have you ever allowed your fear to convince you that you really didn’t want to do something? When in fact you did? It’s easy to talk about making right choices but how do you make them when the choices you’ve always made weren’t the best for you? You learn how to problem solve. Not make excuses or become a victim to circumstances.

How to Problem Solve…

1. Identify the problem…what is the issue that you’d like to solve?

2. Next, figure out what choices are you being asked to make? Sometimes people ask us to make choices. Sometimes our situation forces us into making choices. There may be times when you have to make decision immediately, and there are times when we are given an opportunity to sort it through. Nonetheless, a decision must be made.

3. To get started write in your journal to bring clarity. begin with the pros and cons then consider decisions to be made in all areas of your life.

5 Domains of Life

Personal

Professional

Relationships

Spiritual

Family

You can also add health and social life to your decisions. Ask the following questions:

What choices are there for you to make today?

What choices have you been avoiding, hoping they’d go away?

Take particular care to focus on an issue that bothers you every time you think about it.

What can you do right now in this moment to move you closer to making better choices? What one action are you willing to take right now?

Until Next time my friend!!!

Love and Blessing

 LeToya

LeToya White is the founder of The Light of Day, INC. a research center that develops personal development and life tools that help people overcome the adversity of life. If you have moved to a new city…don't know many people, don’t have any friends, are stuck in a rut, feel trapped, performance is trending low, lost your drive for life, or have insecurities please feel free to contact me at lightofdayinc@yahoo.com for a free consultation.

 Things to think about, Life will always have challenges just remember this too shall pass. Your ultimate goals and objectives you have set out for your life resolves around your fears, anxiety or low self-confidence. Do you have a sense for which one of these may be causing the hiccups you mention? If so you have the first step to getting out of your rut.

Many of my clients respond to their problem with this statement, “Every time I say to myself I need to make a change, it always backfires and I end up going one step forward, 500 steps back.”

Do you feel this way, if so you are not alone!

The truth is when you get the feelings that your goals are impossible to reach, do you believe it has to do with the goals you have selected or with uncertainties/fears/negative challenges that impact your belief that you will get there?

When this happens you need to try harder to put yourself in situations that will create opportunity of change. Not only will doing something for change and the enjoyment of it help get out of your mental rut; it will give you a new opportunity to form relationships and friends… breaking down your fear boosting self confidence are all supported by the willingness to change.

Here are a few examples of how we limit our choices and hinder our decisions making process. Once you are aware try to eliminate these negative patterns and move forward into the choices that are right for you.

I look forward from hearing from you!!!

Love and Blessing LeToya