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Dear Friend,
Attachment is the deep and lasting connection established between an individual in their life circumstance life. It profoundly affects your spiritual development and their ability to express emotions and develop relationships. A secure attachment bond sets the stage for emotional health throughout life, while an insecure attachment bond can lead to a lack of trust and self-worth, a fear of getting close to anyone, and anger and control issues.
We must learn to be flexible and creative, and learning to understand our role in life. What you have the ability to do and what you must leave in the hands of God-which you can not do.
Happiness and contentment start on the inside.
If you are ever faced with a problem such as “Loss of financial stability” there are steps you must go through to get you through the pain. Those steps are called grief.
To detach from anything through life you must follow the grief process.
You may associate grief with the death of a loved one, but any loss can cause grief, including the loss of a relationship, your health, your job, or a cherished dream. After a significant loss, you may experience all kinds of difficult and surprising emotions, such as shock, anger, and guilt. Sometimes it may feel like the sadness will never let up.
While these emotions can feel very painful, accepting them as part of the grieving process and allowing yourself to feel what you feel is necessary for healing.
The five stages of grief:
· Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
· Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
· Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
· Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
· Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”
Detaching is a personal and highly individual experience. How you let go depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith, and the nature of the loss. The detaching process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can’t be forced or hurried – and there is no “normal” timetable for letting go of any problem.
Common symptoms of Resisting- Letting Go
While life struggles and lessons affect people in different ways, many people experience the following symptoms when they’re detaching. Just remember that almost anything that you experience in the early stages of letting go is normal – including feeling like you’re going crazy, feeling like you’re in a bad dream, or questioning your decisions.
For example let’s say your problem relates to “Loss of financial stability”
· Shock and disbelief – Right after a loss of job, it can be hard to accept what happened. You may feel numb, have trouble believing that the loss really happened, or even deny the truth. If you or your spouse have loss your job, you may keep expecting things to be the same, even though you know theirs going to have to be some type of changes in the near future- perhaps downsizing.
· Sadness – Profound sadness is probably the most universally experienced symptom of loss. You may have feelings of confusion, frustration, unfairness, or deep fear. You may also cry a lot or feel emotionally unstable.
· Guilt – You may regret or feel guilty about things you did or didn’t do. You may also feel guilty about certain feelings (e.g. feeling guilty when you didn’t start the savings when after a long talk with your spouse months prior, but you didn’t take him or her seriously). After a loss, you may even feel guilty for not doing something to prevent the loss, even if there was nothing more you could have done.
· Anger – Even if the loss was nobody’s fault, you may feel angry and resentful. If you lost your house, you may be angry at yourself, your spouse, the kids, or even your boss who laid you off. You may feel the need to blame someone for the injustice that was done to you.
· Fear – A significant loss can trigger a host of worries and fears. You may feel anxious, helpless, or insecure. You may even have panic attacks. The loss of a spouse job can trigger fears about your own stability at work, of facing life without any income, or the responsibilities you now face alone.
· Physical symptoms – We often think of detaching as a strictly emotional process, but loss often involves physical problems, including fatigue, nausea, lowered immunity, weight loss or weight gain, aches and pains, and insomnia.
Coping with Detachment and loss tips: Get support
The single most important factor in healing from loss is having the support of other people. Even if you aren’t comfortable talking about your feelings under normal circumstances, it’s important to express them when you’re letting go. Sharing your loss makes the burden of detachment easier to let go of. Wherever the support comes from, accept it and do not detach alone. Connecting to others will help you heal.
When you’re letting go, it’s more important than ever to take care of yourself. The stress of a major loss can quickly deplete your energy and emotional reserves. Looking after your physical and emotional needs will help you get through this difficult time.
Face your feelings. You can try to suppress your problem, but you can’t avoid it forever. In order to heal, you have to acknowledge the pain. Trying to avoid feelings of sadness and loss only prolongs the detachment process. Unresolved problems can also lead to complications such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and health problems.
Express your feelings in a tangible or creative way. Write about your loss in a journal. If you’ve lost a job, write a letter saying the things you was grateful for while in that position; make a list of things you wish to experiences in your new position or get involved in a cause or organization that will help you keep your spirit up in your time of searching for a new position.
When to seek professional help for Depression
If you recognize any of the symptoms of depression, talk to a health professional right away. Left untreated, depression can lead to significant emotional damage, life-threatening health problems, and even suicide. But treatment can help you get better.
Contact a grief counselor or professional therapist if you:
- Feel like life isn’t worth living
- Wish you had died with your loved one
- Blame yourself for the loss or for failing to prevent it
- Feel numb and disconnected from others for more than a few weeks
- Are having difficulty trusting others since your loss
- Are unable to perform your normal daily activities
I hope this helps until next time
Your Friend
LeToya White
LeToya White is the founder of The Light of Day, INC. a research center that develops personal development and life tools that help people overcome the adversity of life. If you have moved to a new city…don't know many people, don’t have any friends, are stuck in a rut, feel trapped, performance is trending low, lost your drive for life, or have insecurities please feel free to contact me at lightofdayinc@yahoo.com for a free consultation.
Things to think about, Life will always have challenges just remember this too shall pass. Your ultimate goals and objectives you have set out for your life resolves around your fears, anxiety or low self-confidence. Do you have a sense for which one of these may be causing the hiccups you mention? If so you have the first step to getting out of your rut.
Many of my clients respond to their problem with this statement, “Every time
I say to myself I need to make a change, it always backfires and I end up going one step forward, 500 steps back.”
Do you feel this way, if so you are not alone!
The truth is when you get the feelings that your goals are impossible to reach, do you believe it has to do with the goals you have selected or with uncertainties/fears/negative challenges that impact your belief that you will get there?
When this happens you need to try harder to put yourself in situations that will create opportunity of change. Not only will doing something for change and the enjoyment of it help get out of your mental rut; it will give you a new opportunity to form relationships and friends… breaking down your fear boosting self confidence are all supported by the willingness to change.
I look forward from hearing from you!!!
Love and Blessing LeToya
