Dear Friend,
Designing a road map of our lives based on our beliefs and expectations can make us feel more secure. Yet, truthfully, we have to remember that the bottom can fall out at anytime.
Setting standards and making plans are great ways to set goals, but our circumstances do change. We can not limit our experiences of life to what we think we can control or understand or what makes us feel safe.
For example,
Rose Story
I have a client I will call her Rose. Rose had a traditional belief about raising her family.
Rose and her husband agreed on her staying home with the children while he went out to work in provided for the family. There is nothing wrong with this picture except that during the ten years of Rose staying home their family played catch up on their bills.
They were consistently living pay check to pay check with nothing saved. Rose husband had a heart attack at the age of 33 years old and died.
Unfortunately, this crisis turned Rose life around! Rose was faced to learn how to become independent, raise her family on her own, and find work as soon as possible.
Rose had a hard time adjusting because all she ever knew how to do was be a housewife. Her husband family took her to court to get custody of her children, because they felt she was unable to provide for them, on the income Rose made as a house keeper at the local hotel.Rose face a major crisis and transition while grieving from the lost of her husband. When she came to see me she was very lost, confused and completely overwhelmed with her life changes.
In order to help Rose first I had to help her accept the lost of her husband death and guide her through the grieving process. Next, we had to identity her new identity and her skill level to prepare her for the adjustment she needed in looking for a career and establish an independent life that could provide for her and her kids.
Once Rose had a plan, she was able to move into a rental home and out the apartment she was forced into after losing her home due to lack of finance to afford it. She regained custody of her children and now her in-laws are part of her support group rather than violating her boundaries as she perceived them to be doing at that time.
With that said, what can you learn from Rose story?
Although we all have beliefs we still must have a back up plan for the future. For example, Rose chose to be a stay at home mom. That’s awesome!
However her family struggled to make ends meet. (First red flag) Therefore Rose should have learned how to be a little more independent just in case a worse case scenario such as death, a lay off or illness may affect her husband who was the primary breadwinner. (Their should always be a PLAN B) The bills still must be paid life will continue to move on although we all are faced with crisis.
Lesson we can learn from Rose
Rose could have chosen to keep her belief first while working on the weekend while her husband kept the kids or by starting a work from home business. She still has quality time, raised her kids herself without a babysitter or daycare and contributed to their financial situation. While establishing her own independence, identity and building her own self worth.
How about you? What can you do to ensure that you have a Plan B?
Write what you can do to adjust your life now just in case a crisis arises.
Today I can build and secure my future by…
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The next phase in securing our foundation of independence is to truly understand what it means to be independent to ensure you are able to take care of yourself independently.
Co-Dependent No More…Steps to Becoming Independent!
1. Start by being accountable for your life and your choices.
2. Find a job and get hired.
3. Sign up for a bank account.
4. Save money; pay yourself. Save as much as is reasonably possible. This will help you create an emergency fund, since life can be unpredictable at times. Improve the quality of your life by putting aside a set amount of money each month.
5. Rid the bad influences in your life. Many people like to hold you back in life when they lack directions themselves. Pay attention to any person who is negative or try to talk you out of you trying to better yourself.
6. Rent or buy your own place. It may be difficult, but when your finances are in order step out on your own. Setbacks will enter your life in the unexpected times especially when you have goals to move out on your own, but keep working so you can have your own place. This will encourage you to hoist yourself out of the life depending on other people. Be determined. Never doubt that you can make progress, even if there are setbacks.
Build up your Life Skills…
-If you can't cook, or you've never tried, start with a simple recipe. If you can read and follow directions, you can cook anything you set your mind to!
-Learn the basic skills of accounting, budgeting and managing your money. Make sure to put money aside for bills when you move out on your own. Rent, utilities, laundry, fuel, groceries, etc. SAVE SAVE SAVE and make it a habit to bless God with your first 10% of your check you have to give to receive.
-Be a good housekeeper. You will feel good about being on your own in a clean environment. Clean as you go, clean a little everyday to prevent an overload feeling after everything piles up.
-Please Please Please take care of your credit without it life can been hard and some companies WILL NOT HIRE YOU WITH BAD CREDIT.
I hope this helps. Till next time!!!
Love and Blessing
LeToya
LeToya White is the founder of The Light of Day, INC. a research center that develops personal development and life tools that help people overcome the adversity of life. If you have moved to a new city…don't know many people, don’t have any friends, are stuck in a rut, feel trapped, performance is trending low, lost your drive for life, or have insecurities please feel free to contact me at lightofdayinc@yahoo.com for a free consultation or visit www.lightofdayinc.com.
Things to think about, Life will always have challenges just remember this too shall pass. Your ultimate goals and objectives you have set out for your life resolves around your fears, anxiety or low self-confidence. Do you have a sense for which one of these may be causing the hiccups you mention? If so you have the first step to getting out of your rut.
Many of my clients respond to their problem with this statement, “Every time I say to myself I need to make a change, it always backfires and I end up going one step forward, 500 steps back.”
Do you feel this way, if so you are not alone!
The truth is when you get the feelings that your goals are impossible to reach, do you believe it has to do with the goals you have selected or with uncertainties/fears/negative challenges that impact your belief that you will get there?
When this happens you need to try harder to put yourself in situations that will create opportunity of change. Not only will doing something for change and the enjoyment of it help get out of your mental rut; it will give you a new opportunity to form relationships and friends… breaking down your fear boosting self confidence are all supported by the willingness to change.
I look forward from hearing from you!!!
Love and Blessing
LeToya
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