Part 2: Who Am I? How your Identity or The Role You Play Changes in Different Situations

How your Identity or The Role You Play Changes in Different Situations.

Dear Friend,

This is a series of exercises that touch basis on January 2012 Post so if you are new to this site please go back in read the January 2012 post before completing any of these exercises.

Last month we touch basis on who you are, what you want, our choices to create our worlds begin with our thoughts and how to love and approve of ourselves. Well this month I would like to discuss the meaning of Who Am I and how to obtain the right self esteem a little bit deeper in order to move forward in being our true selves. You will need a journal or notebook to complete the exercises for this months post.

Discovering that the answers to the question “Who Am I” can change depending on the context of our life path and experiences I would like to introduce another exercise that clarify our identity to bring our awareness into the present and identify which types of situations trigger chameleon behavior.

In this exercise you investigate if and how your identity or the role you play changes in different situations. As you read these questions notice the way you feel, or behave in the present of each individual. What is the first thing that comes to your mind? Do you feel the need to be loved or accepted? Do you need to feel important? Do you think you must behave in this manner because you do not feel good enough? No mater how subtle-in which way do you adapt, feel, or behave.

1. Who am I with my parents (separate your mom and dad if you want)?
2. Who am I with my friends?
3. Who am I with the rest of my family?
4. Who am I with men?
5. Who am I with someone I am dating/ in a serious relationship with/married to?
6. Who am I with my coworkers? Boss?
7. Who am I at work?
8. Who am I with someone who intimidates me?
9. Who am I with someone I don’t like?
10. Who am I with a group of people?
11. Who am I in social situations?
12. Who am I at a bar or party?

After completing this exercise, notice how you have adapted to situations or changed in the presence of others. Do you think those changes have for the most part been in line with who you are? Are there any masks that you might need to remove? A good way to answer theses questions is to ask yourself if the role you took on felt right.

The bottom line is in order to truly become who you are your “True Self” you must learn to set your mind and keep it set on your own desires and goals. You must also learn how to control your emotions and not let other people opinions and behavior shake your own decision and actions.

Effective Methods of Reducing Inappropriate Behaviour:

To do this you must learn how to become calm and not let other people behavior or opinions affect our responds. Our reactions must be in line with our own attitudes-not flexible to other peoples. This creates an experience that we do not want to experience and one that is not inappropriate in the first place. It causes us to become people pleaser!

Preventing negative reactions to situations is in your own hands. If you don't control your emotions, they will control you. Some effective methods of reducing inappropriate behaviour:

Who am I with my parents, friends and other family members?

If parents or other family members are pressuring you to do something you do not want to do just say “NO” I’m tired or my family already have plans for that weekend. Keep it simple and do not let anyone manipulate you to feeling obligated or guilty to attend a function or do something you do not feel up to doing. Stay strong and stable in your decisions.

Who am I at work with coworkers and boss?

If coworkers or your boss get overwhelming try to communicate with your boss and clarify your role depending on your situation, to respond positively to coworkers take a break and go outside to get some fresh air to clear your mind. If you have coworkers that talk too much or gossip tell them you really would like to talk but you have some work to catch up on or just change the subject put the focus on them people always like to talk about themselves when they aren’t talking about other people.

Who am I with men?

Most women get along find when there are with the opposite sex. However, you must be careful not to change your behavior in order to feel loved and accepted. Feelings of insecurity are the result of a poor self image and lack of self confidence. This is why I explain to women to love and approve of themselves in they will not have a need or void that need to be filled by other people. This void can be filled by “yourself” without the disappointment and rejection that comes along with letting your guard down with men in order to feel loved and accepted.

Who am I with someone I am dating/ in a serious relationship with/married to?

There are so many situations within a relationship or marriage that can make us unstable. In order to survive any relationship situation it all boils down to self confidence and communication. Learn how to be secure in your self and communicate your desires and you will be able to sustain any situation because you will not take it personal.

For example, let’s say someone flirts with your significant other if your communication skills are in order and you are secure in your self and your relationship there is no need to be jealousy or insecure. One of the root causes behind jealousy is being afraid. This fear can be a fear of ending up alone, a fear of being rejected or a fear of losing the love of your partner.

Another feelings of jealousy are your doubts about your abilities or skills. If you were one hundred percent sure of yourself you would have never suffered from any jealousy feelings. Therefore become secure in yourself because in reality you have every ability you need to keep and satisfy your man and if your communications skills are open you have no reason to respond or behave in any other way than you would usually behave.

Who am I with someone who intimidates me?

This is very simple do not compare yourself to other people because we all have the ability to achieve success in life. Look at it as they had a head start in awareness of what they wanted to do. Now rather than being intimidated find out what they did that worked and apply those habits to your own life. Look at them as inspiration not as a God they are only people who was persistence and focus. So are you!!!!

Who am I with someone I don’t like?

Learn to forgive it’s the only way to move forward. People will be people! You can’t change anyone and “you can’t make people get it.” Look at someone you don’t care for as a person stuck in a lower level of consciousness and you must forgive them in order for to spread your wings to fly to higher ground while they are stuck in the mud of unawareness.

Who am I with a group of people, at a bar, party or in a social situation?

I have learned a lot of people change their behavior because they need tons of attention. Well attention is great but not at the expense of others or to humiliate your character. In order to be the life of the party all is needed is a smile, to have fun and enjoy your self.

Doing inappropriate things to draw attention to your self is not the way to go. I must say crawling in a corner being isolated is not the way to go either. People don’t bite they are just as nervous as you are. Many people are to focus on themselves and how they appear to others that they don’t even notice you. So don’t shut down or whine yourself up to get notice just be your self and have fun.

Affirm daily:

“I claim high self-worth and self-esteem for myself. I love and appreciate myself on every level. I am not my parents, nor any addictive pattern they may have had. No matter what my past may have been, now in this moment I choose to eliminate all negative self-talk and to love and approve of myself. I am my own unique self, and I rejoice in who I am. I am acceptable, lovable, and Divinely inspired. This is the truth of my being, and I accept it as so. All is well in my world.” –Louise Hay

Until Next time my friend!!!

Love and Blessing
Your Friend,

LeToya

LeToya White is the founder of The Light of Day, INC. a research center that develops personal development and life tools that help people overcome the adversity of life. If you have moved to a new city…don't know many people, don’t have any friends, are stuck in a rut, feel trapped, performance is trending low, lost your drive for life, or have insecurities please feel free to contact her at lightofdayinc@yahoo.com for a free consultation.

Things to think about...

Life will always have challenges just remember this too shall pass. Your ultimate goals and objectives you have set out for your life resolves around your fears, anxiety or low self-confidence. Do you have a sense for which one of these may be causing the hiccups you mention?

If so you have the first step to getting out of your rut.

Many of my clients respond to their problem with this statement, “Every time I say to myself I need to make a change, it always backfires and I end up going one step forward, 500 steps back.”

Do you feel this way, if so you are not alone!

The truth is when you get the feelings that your goals are impossible to reach, do you believe it has to do with the goals you have selected or with uncertainties/fears/negative challenges that impact your belief that you will get there?

When this happens you need to try harder to put yourself in situations that will create opportunity of change. Not only will doing something for change and the enjoyment of it will help get you out of your mental rut; it will give you a new opportunity to form relationships and friends… breaking down your fear boosting self confidence are all supported by the willingness to change.

I look forward from hearing from you!!!

Love and Blessing
LeToya